It’s been a big month here on this little blog. This week’s #31daystohappy focus requires us to look inward and take care of ourselves. I’ve been pretty raw and real about where this started. I lived in a constant panic attack: night terrors & night sweats, hot flashes, aches and pains, digestive issues, & severe headaches that refused to let up. My lifestyle hasn’t changed significantly, but I haven’t had a panic attack since July. So what changed?
I forgave myself. I started treating myself the way I treat my friends. That’s my biggest secret.
My goal for this blog post is for you to close your computer and feel so, so loved. So important, and so cherished. I am praying so hard it changes your life the way it did for mine. I had to decide what I wanted, and then I had to be real with myself. This is not the fluffy stuff. Not what you typically find on a craft blog. If you don’t want to read any further, I’m going to get to the point: Own it and then forgive yourself. Whatever you beat yourself up about – stop it. No matter what happened, if you have asked for forgiveness but still carry the weight of it with you, it’s time to put down this burden and start loving yourself again. You are not your mistakes.
To truly heal my anxiety, I needed to resolve guilt. Nothing criminal, but times when my behavior did not live up to my values. Do you remember how we talked about shame? For me, I used events in my past as examples of fatal flaws in my character. I pointed to these experiences as the yardstick for measuring my self worth. On the outside, I pretended to have self-love, but inside I felt rotten, unlovable, worthless and unworthy. These unresolved, painful moments from my past were dragging me down, down, down. I prayed for forgiveness from above, and quite honestly I’m sure I was forgiven. It was my own ego that would not let me let go.
For the first ‘blood letting’ if you will, a trained and licensed therapist who also happens to be a member of my church listened to me ugly cry and rationally walked me through what had happened. She had me logically think through how the other person would react if I could ask for their forgiveness (they’ve since passed on). I didn’t realize how much guilt a single event brought into my life.
After that episode, I realized how much my past was affecting my present. I know many people who are so good at forgiving themselves. For me, it’s a challenge. I beat myself up over every little thing. What would Jesus Do, right? But remember that Jesus also forgave. Letting it go has an amazing payoff. Remember how scripture requires you to forgive all men? I think the loving God in Heaven means that to apply to ourselves, too. The newfound, deep seated peace I’ve found motivates me to show more kindness, to realize everyone is fighting a hard battle.
You are so important. I want to take this opportunity to thank you for the gifts you bring into the world in your unique way. If my little prompts are interesting to you, here is today’s:
Prompt #20 – #31daystohappy
If you feel the need to, pray for forgiveness. I found having a professional to talk to about this very helpful. After that’s done, set the matter to rest and truly forgive yourself – for real. I ended up filling out a Radical Forgiveness page for myself. Now sit down with your journal and write yourself a love & gratitude note. How would you write to a dear friend? It’s time to start treating yourself the same way. Remember, no unique situations exist but every person brings their own, original perspective.
Thank you for reading. I wish we could talk in person. I wish I could hug all of you. I often think of the CS Lewis quote:
It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which,if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.”
Thank you again for tagging along on my #31daystohappy adventure!
Please remember I am not a doctor and nothing I write here is a substitute for medical advice. If you are suffering from a medical condition, please seek help immediately. For my full disclaimer, please click here
You’re amazing Amanda. Thank you.
This is so good…thank you for being so honest.
So simply profound Amanda.
Powerful
Well done! I hear some of my friends talking to themselves very negatively (and yes, I’ve been guilty of this too). They criticize themselves and say horrible things- things they would NEVER say to a friend or someone they cared about. Now I’ll nudge them whenever they do it and say, “hey! Be nice to my friend!”