How To Be Courageous – Day 11 of #31daystohappy

We all want to be happier. I can’t think of anyone who wants to be less happy. But how many times have you wished to be more courageous? We aren’t just watching our life go by anymore, we’re purposefully making our way to that goal from day one. And getting there will take some guts.

This is Ella.

Sometimes she falls. Sometimes she flies.

She lets people know when she’s happy, when she’s not and when she needs help.

At what age do we stop being authentic, paste on a smile and start believing we have to live up to something? When do we start comparing ourselves to others and coming up short?

This summer, while struggling through the darkest days of my anxiety, I listened to Rising Strong by Brene Brown (I used an audible credit, but it’s also available as a book on cd from many libraries). I had been introduced to Brene’s work from her Ted Talk on vulnerability. I realized everyone has the same insecurities & fears. Our minds create stories to form our reality, but the stories are not what actually happened. When we keep our stories inside for fear of being seen as weak, they eat us alive.

Brene’s research reveals that  ‘Vulnerability is not weakness. I define vulnerability as emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. It fuels our daily lives. And … vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage...’

How amazing is that? Allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to show people the real you and what you really struggle with isn’t weakness, it’s courage.

More than 12 years ago, I found myself in a situation where I should have shown compassion but I did not. The memory of those few moments haunted me for over a decade. That memory became a black root that penetrated my mind. I did not feel guilt, I felt shame. I didn’t believe I had done something bad, I believed I was bad. This belief entrenched itself in my mind.

My husband honestly didn’t realize what was going on. He teased me about certain things, which made me feel even more shame for feeling the way I did. Shame is a powerful emotion.

Brene’s definition of shame speaks to me. ‘Shame, for women, is this web of unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we’re supposed to be. And it’s a straight-jacket.’

Yes.

I struggle writing this series. This is not the all-white-everything-perfect-home-perfect-kids blog I once dreamed of. But you know what? It’s liberating. I am not going to be cowed by the fact I am not perfect anymore. I want to be open. I hope whoever reads this feels less alone.

I want to fly and I can’t do it locked in the prison of my mind. If the only exit is shining a light where it’s been so dark, then let’s flip the switch. It’s scary. But I can tell you I’m a lot happier here.

Brene says that shame just needs three things to grow, so today I’d like to tackle those things. The fuel for shame is secrecy, silence and judgment. She says the antidote is empathy. We have to get whatever we are struggling with out of the dark.

DAY 11 PROMPT – #31daystohappy 

Today your prompt is to be vulnerable. I don’t want to determine what that means for you, or how you should do it. I found talking to a therapist helpful, but I also talk to my husband quite a lot. Perhaps you have a group where you can share these things. Find an empathetic ear, and let go of something that weighs you down. If given the opportunity, show empathy.

Don’t worry about not being perfect. My dad consistently reminds me that the last perfect man died 2,000 years ago.  If anyone out there via instagram, facebook, blog or whatever has convinced you they have it all figured out, remember that the only area of their house that looks perfect is the area they are photographing. Imagine their kids smearing peanut butter on the white curtains behind them ;))

Thank you for reading along! I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments, but my blog-email connection isn’t working and I’m having trouble responding right now. Please know I read them all and they mean the world to me.

This is day 11 of my free 31 day happiness project. You can join at any time. If you’d like to start at the beginning, please click here.

PS: How’s it going finishing those projects?! It’s been a week tomorrow!

PPS: If you want to listen to Brene’s book for free, you can sign up for Audible with the following link. For the second book, I very much recommend the narrated version of The Power of Positive Thinking ——- > Try Audible and Get Two Free Audiobooks (affiliate link)

PPPS: Whatever else you do, listen to this TedTalk asap!  (no affiliation to TedTalks, this is just amazing!)

I am not a doctor and nothing I write here is a substitute for medical advice. If you are suffering from a medical condition or unhealthy thoughts, please seek help immediately. For my full disclaimer, please click here